He Has No Manners

Online dating.
Have you ever tried it?

It's an interesting concept, online dating is. You take hundreds of people and throw them all onto a website, get them each to write a tiny snippet about who they are (from their own point of view where they can be anyone), pepper it with a few pictures that users have uploaded of themselves (typically bathroom mirror selfies), and you try to make a match out of this primordial soup.

I have yet to be convinced that any of the people on an online dating website are actually real or, better yet, actually have any real intention of doing anything other than looking for the perfect ideal (god or goddess) that they have dreamed up as a mate.

Take this guy for example. He comes across with a good sense of humor and appears to perhaps be genuinely interested in dating. He says (in part - and I'm only including the good parts):

"So I’ve got a proposal for you. How about we both go for coffee, hang out with each other for a few days/weeks, then write each other’s ‘profiles. Deal? I’d rather Suck the hairspray out of Donald Trump's comb-over than have to write this thing. Anyway, you've come to be entertained so I’d better get this song and dance on the road before you lose interest and click on the pic of that OTHER hot, rugged, mountain man up at the top of the page (did you seriously just scroll up?)."

Now the above is a pretty good opening line. He's funny! Let's see what else he has to offer: 

"I was raised by 4 sisters (like being raised by wolves, only instead of claws and teeth, they had eyeliner and mascara), I LOVE to laugh, I work as a professional, I'm physically active (runner, skier, mountain biker, rugged mountain man), outgoing, inquisitive, social, warm and friendly, interesting conversationalist, a hopeless romantic, pleasantly immature when the time is right, hard to be nervous around and easy on the eyes (at least that’s what my mom says). I laugh at my own jokes and sometimes make others choke on their food (or leak root beer from their nose)."

Leaning a little toward class clown but not badly enough to say, nah.. this guy has got me smiling a little at his silliness. 

Some more humor and his hobbies follow:

"When I’m not on POF creeping your profile, you can find me climbing rocks, traipsing across glaciers, assessing a slope for avalanche danger before shredding it mercilessly or hitting a DH run on my mountain bike. In other words, I love the outdoors.

I am fit, and only getting fitter (this does not mean I look like Channing Tatum, but I guarantee you can see at LEAST one of my abs). I’m also no Chef Ramsay, but I love to cook and take the time to eat well. "

Okay, he admits he creeps profiles, perhaps that should be a red flag but I think he means it to be funny. Moving on to what he is looking for:

"If any of these apply to you, you should likely find a different person to reply to. In other words, it isn't me, it really IS you: Lethargic, unkind, closed minded, think drugs are cool (pharmacists and anesthetists excluded), still infatuated with an old flame (or at least be kind enough to not blab endlessly about him/her), intolerant, cold and unfeeling and thinks chemistry is for nerds in lab coats.

My ideal match would be witty, well educated (formally or informally), active and healthy, outgoing and kind, loving and compassionate. She would also be riding a unicorn wearing a white dress.

Catch the sarcasm? What I mean is that this is a guideline, not a list that I’m going to be checking off when we meet. Ultimately, I believe that the measure of a person is how they treat people who can do nothing for them. If you understand what that means, then ignore everything I said above because there is a good chance we may click.

Feel free to send me a message or a wink if you are impatient and want to stoke the fire . I know having the girl make the first move is not traditional, but how traditional is online dating anyway?!?"

Okay, this can be me. I'm witty (no, really, I am!), active (gosh, I go to the gym 3-4 days a week and I bet there aren't many who could make it through the workouts that The Boxing Club offers. Oh, and I bike 1-2 days a week too), outgoing (well, I do blog for the world to see), kind, loving, compassionate (hmmm, is it egotistical to say I am?), riding a unicorn - I CAN DO THAT! Yes! Oh, and I know what it means to treat do well for others even if they can do nothing for me (aka, don't expect anything in return). Hmmm, he wants someone to make the first move.. okay, I'll bite and email him! 

Does he have any more requirements? Oh, he must see a photo (check, got that) and this tidbit: "And don’t just send me a message saying “Hey Baby”. Think of something interesting to say. Here, I’ll give you a leg up - start by tell me an item on your bucket list. Aaaaaaand, GO!"

And so I responded (keeping in mind that he has a sense of humor and all):

"You've got a great profile. Now if only I could find my unicorn and white dress. Perhaps the red one will do? The dress, not the unicorn. I think all unicorns are probably white though a good dye job may result in another color. But I digress...

Fully intending to stay as far from root beer as possible in your company, should I ever make your company. Oh, and here I am not following the rules already.. Bucket List, huh (that would be instead of eh, which so isn't me)? hmmmmm, bucket list. Hike in the Rockies, Visit Italy (again), get back to kayaking, complete the longest bike ride of my life (August so I'm well on my way to checking that off), meet a great guy whom I can become friends with and have excellent adventures with. I'm sure there is more. Oh, you said 1. Well, at least I've already answered the question, "What else is on your bucket list?". :D"


His response: He read it, he didn't respond, and he deleted it. Guess he is right, it isn't a list he is going to be checking off when we meet, it is a list that he is checking off RIGHT NOW.


Is it just me or is he lacking in manners? IMHO, if someone takes the time to email you, is somewhat amusing, and answers your silly questions, perhaps you could at least write back and say "Thanks but no thanks".


Men, be warned, you have just become blog fodder (think Bantha poodoo).